Millsap's malpractice in Miami

If you have ever been to South Beach you quickly learn a few things;

(1) Plastic surgeons do really well down there

(2) Clothing is more of a guideline than a rule

(3) Over priced cars are everywhere

(4) Big fake assets are the assets of choice in South Beach

(5)One big, fake, overpriced NBA team is the new jewel of Miami

Just like the purchased assets that can be found on the beach are all for show, so went the recently purchased jewels found on the Heat’s court Tuesday night;

BIG, FLASHY, AND JUST FOR SHOW!


On this same night a local Utah plastic surgeon went down to Miami to try his luck in the NBA cosmetic surgery scene… he ended up committing severe malpractice as he carved and scared the Miami Heat with his 46 point night!

Dr. Millsap went to work right away, carving up the pretty Heat face with 17 footers on an obviously lousy defender, Chris Bosh.

The words “Don’t hurt em’ baby boy!”, scrolled across the Miami Heat fan base’s mind like the ESPN ticker as Paul “Baby Boy” Millsap continued to practice medicine without a license in South Beach! As the game wore on Paul and his staff used a rusty scalpel to surgically remove the double D sized lead D-Wade and the boys had bounced up to as much as 22. Everyone on the HEAT seemed to take their turn getting a “Moon River” from Dr. Sap! James had his turn a few times, trying to play his “underrated” defense (Give me a FREAKING break!) as Millsap took him off the dribble and stepped back for the floater… James used his best avoidance D the rest of the night. Good choice little king.

The deflated Heat team then made one last effort to flaunt what they had bought in the off season by taking a late fourth quarter lead off a drive and score from Lebron and a D-Wade dunk on Fes that looked to seal the deal for Miami. Dr. Paul at this point really screwed things up for the cute Heat! As the skanky Miami team made shot after shot down the stretch, Millsap took out his rarely used 3 point band-saw and cut much too deep into Pat’s trophy wife team, hitting the main artery sinking three 3 pointers in the final minute of the fourth quarter! When Paul put back C.J.’s missed 3 down low off the glass, and with the bleeding Heat heading to overtime, a few things became clear; the Jazz were going to take this game, The Jazz may have just officially gelled, and Paul Millsap WILL BE AN ALL-STAR!



…and as far as big fake assets go- not only does L.A. still have Miami beat on and off the court, but it seems Utah does too!



Bron-Bron may have been King in Cleveland, but Dr. Millsap has just been elected Mayor of Miami!!!

Dignan also writes as a “Jazzbot” on utahjazz360.com & can be reached by e-mail at dignan.sportscave@gmail.com.